Barre with Justine

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Can your heart be TOO open? I often think about this, especially at times of burnout or difficult days with the kids. We can pour our love and energy out to others and, occasionally, be left feeling depleted or as though the loving energy isn’t returned.

Perhaps you have had the feeling of sharing your feelings with someone and they aren’t returned, leaving a feeling of exposure and sadness (let’s be honest, we have probably all had that experience at some point!)

The “Rules” for Love

Years ago, a slim dating guidebook called The Rules made a splash in popular culture. The premise of the book was that women needed to be reserved in showing their emotions in a relationship: never show much interest, never be eager to impress, always be slightly aloof. It was a controversial book in its day and I imagine it would never even make it to publication in 2024.

If I can share anything positive from the book, it’s that it can be beneficial to value your time and energy. The authors advised making your own plans, not waiting around for a phone call and not agreeing to anything last minute. (I won’t go into the parts about having long hair, dieting, and dressing a certain way!)

On the flip side, that book focused on really guarding your romantic feelings from others. The entire concept of having an open heart is miles away from the philosophy of The Rules.

Physically opening the heart space

In yoga, we talk about poses that open the heart. Backbends like fish pose, cobra, and wheel are poses that create space in the front of the body, allowing us to breathe more and “feel” more deeply.

In our daily lives we have postural habits that really close off the heart energy – slouching forward and rounding the upper back – and we may even tuck ourselves inward to protect our energy in crowds or at times of anxiety.

It takes effort and practice to open up the front of the body. It can also make us more vulnerable to feeling things more deeply and opening us up to both accepting more love AND pain. I recall my amazing face yoga teacher, Annelise Hagen, mentioning in our training that it’s possible to be too open in the heart and that made me pause and reflect. Physically opening the muscles and tissues around the heart can emotionally open the energy too.

Maybe there is a balance between creating abundant space in your heart, shining your energy outward and maintaining a layer of protection against the negative energy that is ever present in our world.

If you have your own little ones or in your extended family, consider how your heart breaks when they are hurt by others. Children feel devastated when someone hurts them, in part because of their innocence and open hearts.

It’s something I struggle with as a parent – I want my kids to love others but also want to protect them from being hurt.

Finding a Balance

So do we curl inward, protecting the delicate heart space? Do we open ourselves up to life in all its powerful emotions, from the very beautiful to the heartbreaking?

I had to look up this fact that I heard recently about the incredible energy of the heart and its true. The electromagnetic energy of the heart can travel 3 feet away from the body and be detected by another person.

This reinforces the power of our heart energy to influence the energy of others. And just as our physical energy can be dulled by too much exertion or lack of rest, it makes sense that the love that we share with others needs time and energy to reset.

I’d love to know your thoughts as I fired this post off quickly, based on my own thoughts on this Valentine’s Day!