Barre with Justine

“The physiology of stress eats away at our bodies not because it has outlived its usefulness but because we may no longer have the competence to recognize its signals.”
― Gabor Maté, When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress

It feels a bit disingenuous to write this post, given how stressed I have felt for the last few weeks with:

• back to back dance competitions
• kids sick & home from school
• hockey tryouts
• new choreography & the brand new Les Mills Pilates class launch
• parents being sick (and a surgery for my father-in-law)
• a new role at work…

There was a similar time last fall when I recall saying to my husband that we just couldn’t keep living this way – in a state of constant “cat-like readiness” (to quote Marge Simpson!):

These seasons are never fun. Even if you know, intuitively, that the stress will ease and calmness will return, it doesn’t make things any easier. Worse, the toll stressful times can take on our relationships and our physical/emotional health is quite serious. Not to mention beauty…

The Impact of Stress

Poor Sleep

Stress can make it harder to fall asleep and lead to tossing and turning. Of course, this has a ripple effect on health (decreased immunity, unhappy skin, and low mood).

Beauty Problems

One thing that always upsets me when I’m stressed is just how terrible I look. My skin is touchy, my eyes are red, and there is very little ‘glow’. Poor sleep no doubt is part of the problem, but it’s also true that high levels of stress…

• raise cortisol levels, affecting skin sensitivity and potentially causing flares of acne, rosacea, etc.
• impair the skin’s natural cycles of regeneration and moisture
• lower blood circulation to the skin, meaning less nutrition to the skin and a much reduced rosy glow!

Relationship Tension

During times of stress I am not the sweet and patient person that I aspire to be (is anyone? sidenote: MAYBE Nancy Drew, but I’m sure even she would have lost it on Ned after a long day of work, and cooking supper for the kids…and you just know those kids would be excelling at every possible sport and arts activity!)

Years ago, a very wise and kind colleague told me that kids NEED to see you lose your cool sometimes because we are human. That advice always made me feel better about the days when I lost my temper, or cried in front of the kids.

Coping with Stressful Seasons of Life

As a full-time working mom of three (with a part-time passion for teaching fitness!), I can share some things that have helped me – in the hopes that they may help you too.

1. Give up any guilt about feeling stressed.

I believe that the guilt of how we handle stress is even worse than the stress itself. In addition, give up any guilt placed on you by others – comments like “you are too busy” or “no wonder you are so stressed”.

While these comments may be well-intentioned, they often come from people who are either OUT of those stressful times of life or simply can’t remember what things are like.

In all honesty, things are also very different to how it was for our own parents. They had their own stresses, but the emotional and administrative stress on parents these days has intensified a great deal. I get 4-5 messages from the Remind app (school) nearly every day…I log on to School Cash Online multiple times a week to order food and sign permission slips. Kids activities involve multiple emails, purchases, and varying practice locations.

In comparison, my mother never drove and we were able to walk to our ballet classes, schools and church activities from our house. My father would drive us to music lessons after work. I love my parents and know they had their own unique stress of being recent immigrants and having no family support, but it’s hard to explain what things are like for parents these days.

2. Build in small pockets of beauty and wellbeing.

Booking a facial or even taking 15 minutes at the end of the evening to make a cup of tea and do some gentle stretches can go such a long way in easing stress. It doesn’t need to be big or expensive – it just needs to happen.

Aromatherapy is one tool that has been immensely helpful for slowing down and finding a moment of peace. Inhaling a calming oil like neroli (orange blossom) or bergamot is a brief respite from the ravages of stress; it gives us the moment to breathe more deeply and introduces chemicals (yes, chemicals!) like linalool that can calm the nervous system.

3. Know that you don’t need to keep up the illusion that everything is perfect.

The illusion of perfection is insidious and I am just as guilty as anyone else of striving for that polished life. Though it can be difficult to admit, we are all struggling at times. The more we show the hard times or ask for help, the better can we feel. It’s awful to feel like you are the only one feeling sad or stressed; sometimes just seeing an encouraging post on Instagram or a friend sharing just how overwhelmed she feels can make us feel a little less alone.

Finally…

The quote above is a reminder to get a handle on stress before it does its immeasurable damage (eating away at our physical health). Gabor Maté, a Canadian physician, has written extensively about the connection between stress and disease. His work is thought-provoking and important to explore.

What I take away from Gabor Maté’s work is how essential it is to slow down and listen to our bodies. This does not come easily to me, as I’m more likely to push my body harder and harder. Perhaps my seasonal experiences with high stress may not be so intense if I simply learn to do less and accept imperfection.