“We can ask and ask but we can’t have again what we once thought ours forever.” JL Carr A Month in the Country
Have you ever paused in the middle of a moment and realize – this is a moment that you will never have back?
A bedtime story, your child eagerly running up for a hug, or the final day of preschool…it could be anything that makes you stop and feel that little reminder that life won’t be this way forever. Of course you have felt this…it’s part of being human to struggle with how quickly life changes.
If you’re a mom on social media, you have probably seen an Instagram post reminding you that we have but 18 summers with our children and to make each one count. When I first saw it, it tugged at my heart and made me anxious that I wasn’t truly savouring this special time with my children.
Recently, I saw (and saved!) a post that countered the idea of the fleeting “18 summers”. Turns out it isn’t just me that felt guilty and irritated with the original idea; I dug a little deeper and found other posts that challenged the notion that being a good mom means making every summer spectacular and filled with memories.
In this Motherly article, author Christine Organ reminds us that the anxiety that the “18 summers myth” creates is counter productive:
“For me, the “only 18 summers” reminder is just another way to exacerbate mom guilt, especially for working moms. We know the time with our kids at home is fleeting. We know it’ll go too fast. We know this from the moment our baby is laid in our arms—and we know it on a deep, visceral level. We don’t need to be reminded.”
We can add the 18 summers idea to the Trace Adkins song “You’re gonna to miss this” or Jodi Mitchell’s “Circle Game” (which I occasionally sing to my kids and then break down in tears!). Then there are the comments from family and friends that “kids are only little once” or “you will miss them being this little!”
This may be true but, as the Motherly article so eloquently states, we don’t need to be reminded of this. Being a parent is tough when you’re in the thick of it and, even if you do your best for your kids, there is always a nagging feeling that you could be doing more.
As a mom of three, I’ve been through the stages of pregnancy, babyhood and the toddler years. They are beautiful and sweet but also exhausting, especially for anyone who suffers from anxiety. By my third pregnancy, every ultrasound made me sick with worry. I don’t think I could have emotionally gone through another pregnancy. It may be why i have hardly any pictures during my pregnancies!
Motherhood is filled with SO MANY emotions, good and bad. Why do we always feel the need to add more guilt to the mix?
I can’t help but think that my own mom probably didn’t worry about the 18 summers. I spent many weeks at day camp, rumbling through Burgoyne Woods on city buses, sleeping out in tents and eating sloppy Joes and roasted hotdogs*. These were happy memories and my parents weren’t even there for it!
At the end of the day, we can’t control what experiences form into childhood memories. Love your kids, spend quality time with your kids, but don’t feel guilty if you don’t fill your summer with Instagram perfection.
And finally, let’s all remember that you become a parent for life, not just for small children:
“We need reassurance that the beauty of motherhood isn’t confined to those years when we’re raising little ones, but that there is real magic in raising older kids too.” (from the Motherly article)
I couldn’t agree more. My oldest daughter makes me laugh with her dry sense of humour – she gets more interesting every day!
*anxious me thinks…how were these things kept fresh overnight?!?
Barre with Justine 
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