Barre with Justine

This isn’t a typical, here’s my favourite products type of post. This is a deeply personal reflection on beauty, with some recommendations sprinkled in!

Most days, I’m still trying to figure out beauty (and life) so please know that I’m far from an expert who is perfectly at peace with how I look at all times! That said, I have done a lot of work researching and testing products and techniques in my life, and have trained in face yoga/massage and am currently training to be a certified aromatherapist. I feel prepared to share what works for me in the hopes that you can glean some new ideas and, most of all, feel really good about how you look because I know how difficult it can be.

My Experiences with Beauty in my 40s

Confession: over the last few years, I’ve been caught up in the anxiety around getting older which can feel amplified by the fact that my part-time job is health-related. I’ve felt compelled to investigate aesthetic treatments and start a prescription retinol, even if it didn’t agree with my sensitive skin. I have felt conflicted and consumed with trying to figure out the best way to care for my skin.There is a lot of pressure to work towards an ‘effortless perfection’ in beauty, which is not only impossible but also physically and financially exhausting. Social media filters and targeted advertisements constantly remind us of the things we can do to look younger and prettier.

We live in a world where skincare has become an all-consuming confession (sadly, even in young girls). Jessica Defino, former beauty editor turned pro-skin reporter, writes about what she calls “dermorexia” and how damaging both psychologically and physically it can be: “in the name of reaching this aesthetic goal — what we think healthy skin looks like, or beautiful skin looks like, or “good” skin looks like — we’re actually hurting our skin in the long term”

I think the part that worries me the most about getting caught up in the cycle of medical skin treatments is the feeling that it will never be enough…there’s always a new product, a new device or a new treatment to try. And, as a podcast that I listened to recently articulated, I worry that we are changing the expectations of what we should look like and moving to a place where everyone wants the same look (take a listen to We are Killing Natural Beauty).

Lately, I’ve moved to a place where I would much rather focus on the impact that good health and gentle skin care can have on how we look. Philosophically, it doesn’t make sense to me to do harsh treatments or get caught up in a cycle of financial investments that don’t make you ultimately feel better about the way you look.

I am very grateful to mentors like Annelise Hagen, my beautiful face yoga teacher, who is an inspiration when it comes to healthy beauty. Another woman I look up to greatly is Danielle Sade, my aromatherapy instructor, who makes her own skin care products and has helped me navigate skin care like no one else! These women are uniquely gorgeous and radiant and have reshaped my thoughts on beauty.

Before I share my own tips, I would just like to say that my philosophy may not resonate with yours and that is totally okay! I don’t want to judge anyone for the treatments they choose to have and, who knows, I may change my mind one day too! But at this point, this advice is what I’ve landed on and what is working well for me.

my best advice

1. the beauty of your hair, skin, and body is a reflection of your physical and emotional health

Good nutrition, daily movement, hydration, and stress relief will do so much for your beauty. One of my favourite beauty gurus from the 1950s, the amazing Gayelord Hauser, wrote eloquently about the impact of health on beauty in his 1960 bestseller “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall”: “There is no part of the body that can thrive without good nutrition, and there is no part of the body that derives more glowing beauty from good nutrition than the skin.” (140)*

I try to eat a balanced diet with lots of fruits and vegetables every day. I have water bottles designed to help me increase hydration, and include foods that have been found to benefit skin such as chia seeds, orange vegetables, and avocados, as well as skin healthy supplements like omega 3 fish oil and borage oil. A great resource on the benefits of healthy oils is The Wrinkle-Free Zone by James Meschino, even if it does have an unfortunate title!

Borage oil, in particular, has been really helpful for my skin when it’s dry and for giving some protection in the sun; I notice a big difference when I take this supplement with fish oil.

Obviously, I move a lot in my job as a fitness/yoga instructor and I enjoy walking to and from work or hiking with the kids when I can! I truly believe we are born to move and can see the benefits of more glowy skin after a yoga class or after a walk in the fresh air.

2. Your skin has its own natural system – try not to add too much stress to it.

We often approach our skin with the same level of control that gets us into trouble in other parts of our lives. We want the skin to bend to our idea of perfection, without realizing we can do more harm than good with this approach.

Jessica Defino (I’m a big fan of her work!) writes that the world can feel so out of our control these days, and it’s having an effect on how we view our physical bodies and aging: “…I feel like this obsession with anti-aging is, I would go so far as to say, a disordered way of enacting control on the body as a coping mechanism for feeling out of control in other ways.”

Every few months I will feel the need to start retinol or tretinoin again. I’ve read so many studies about how it’s the key to ageless skin and there is a sense of anxiety that if I don’t start now, I will miss the boat. But then it stings and irritates my skin and I’m seriously limited with what I can use with it. Essential oils are verboten when you are using retinol or tretinoin, so it means not being able to use my face serums and get the beautiful aromatherapy and skin benefits of those.

Using tretinoin is not as soothing and aromatic as massaging in a lovely natural oil blend so I suppose, if I had to choose, I would prefer the face oil!

As we learn more about the microbiome of the skin, it makes sense that less is more when it comes to skin care. Too much exfoliation and products can interfere with the delicate balance of the skin and lead to dryness and inflammation (something we want to avoid at all costs!)

James Hamblin, a science reporter, wrote an entire book on how less is more when it comes to skin (Clean: The New Science of Skin).

The skin is very often an external manifestation of our overall health. Very rarely is something limited to the skin. ~ James Hamblin

I’ve fallen in love with oil cleansing…it is gentle, soothing and a nice way to cleanse without removing too much natural moisture or disturbing the microbiome of the skin.

My other essential is sunscreen in the morning, a good moisturizer, and face oil with a gua sha tool (or just my fingers) to massage. Face massage can ALSO boost collagen, which is more fun than a cream that can cause irritation!

You can read more about these things in previous posts:

How and why to cleanse with oil

The beauty benefits of rosehip oil

I have been working on a face serum (my signature serum as Danielle Sade calls it!) that I adore – it smells beautiful and includes gentle anti-aging ingredients. I’m so excited about eventually bringing this face oil to my website.

3. Don’t underestimate the value of things that are free – sleep, positivity, and face massage!

When it comes to beauty, it’s easy to fall into the trap that more expensive products and treatments are better. The truth is that there are things that cost little or nothing that can transform the way we feel and look.

Research has proven that too little sleep can affect how we look. In a 2010 study, researchers found that sleep-deprived individuals “appear less healthy, less attractive, and more tired compared with when they are well rested.” Yikes!

As a busy mom of 3, I know that sleep can be difficult. Sometimes those hours when the kids go to bed are the only time that I have to myself and it’s a scramble to get things done. Studies like this make me want to try harder to get a good night sleep.

Face massage is another technique that costs only time to do, offering better circulation in the face, relaxation for facial muscles (potentially helping soften lines) and boosting collagen and skin elasticity. There was also a great study done last year that looked at the benefits of facial massage

A positive outlook also costs nothing but can truly affect how others perceive you. While it sounds a little cringey to say, I deeply believe that a kind and positive disposition creates a beauty that others pick up on. Think of someone you love deeply who is happy and kind, perhaps a grandmother or your mom – chances are you think of them as beautiful in your mind because of the love they put out into the world.

4. Don’t expect external fixes to change how you feel about yourself deep down.

To clarify slightly, if something truly bothers you about how you look to the point that you can’t cope, then it’s possible that having it fixed can make you more confident in your own skin.

But to tell a personal story…

In my musings about how to take care of my skin, I decided to try out Botox. I had a *tiny tiny* bit put on the outsides of my eyes to see if it helped the crinkles that formed when I smiled. But instead of making me feel more confident, it made me completely self-conscious. My smile didn’t feel like me any more and I worried every time I smiled. Some people have told me that it just wasn’t done well but I don’t know if that’s true. I think I needed to make peace with the fact that I have an expressive face and relax a bit about those *happy* lines.

You will often read of those who get caught in a cycle of wanting to always level up how they look. One round of treatments or tweaks leads to another and another, until you sort of forget how you looked in the first place.

If we aren’t happy inside, no amount of products or treatments will make us feel better about ourselves.

Thanks for reading this far. This was actually quite a cathartic post to write because it has solidified how I feel at this point, halfway through my 40s.

I just want a world where we can enjoy life without stressing too much about how we look. I adore embracing my femininity, wearing perfume and lipstick, taking care of my skin but I’m not on board for all the anxiety over whether I should be tweaking this or that, spending more and more time and energy on trying to be perfect.

I don’t want my 12 year old considering retinol or thinking that what she sees on TikTok is actually how people look IRL.

Let’s all take a deep breath and give ourselves the grace to accept how we look and embrace natural beauty.

note: Hauser’s book is a little unsettling in its advice, which science has finally caught up with! So many of the developments around the gut-brain-skin axis are covered in Hauser’s writings, for example when he writes about the beautifying effect of falling in love (citing a young Queen Elizabeth as having been transformed by romantic love!)